I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place others as figures of authority in my life, while placing myself as a sheep who simply follow orders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take orders from religious authority figures from school days, without ever questioning them.

I recall how obedient and submissive I was to the catholic priests in my school, they had larger-than-life authority over us, students and parents. The principal figure was “Fr. Rector”, whom everyone feared, surrendered, and suck up to.

In this I forgive myself for placing Fr. Rector in a position of godly power and authority, who can do no wrong. Not seeing/realizing the whole catholic priestly vocation is a survival trick for the low-income catholic families, who send their boys to become priest to secure a stead income and respect later on, in this I never asked the question how can a child make such serious decision to become a priest. As long as there is poverty, we will never run out of priest, it’s a career with guaranteed income, respect and AUTHORITY, mind you ‘no sex’ at least not officially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even as an adult suck up to “Fr. Rector”, giving him same kind of respect, all out of his perceived authority, in that passing the virus to next the generation, as children pick up from adults.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust everything that was taught by these religious figures, without ever questioning them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to later on develop this submissive, fearful attitude towards all those who posses ‘knowledge and information’, as they became sort of authority figures in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear those who posses ‘knowledge and information’ and I become like a slave to them, because their apparent authority made me feel weak and insecure.

Within this I forgive myself for feeling weak and insecure at the presence of those who posses knowledge and information, not seeing/realizing I am giving away my self-power to them, I am the one who placed them in such position of authority and power, instead of investigating, studying, understanding and thereby gaining the ‘knowledge and information’, I simply took the easy way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize authority figures are everywhere, and it is my responsibility to be self-aware and investigate all things, otherwise I will very subtly end up accepting their authorities. This is how the madness is passed down from generation to generation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am the ultimate authority, as in self-authority, who can investigate, study, breathe, and look at any given situation without any emotional pre-conditions within the principle of what is best for all. I have never been that self-authority, I always looked at things emotionally or thru pre-conditions, like judgments, past memories, fears, worries etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that I have given away my self-power, self-authority to figures out there. All powers out there exist because I gave away my self-p0wer and self-authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, I gave away my self-authority, my self-power because it was all too easy, and less responsible thing to do, because being self-authority requires immense self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize ultimately I have given away all my power to the mind/emotional energy that controls me, in whose snap of a finger I can be brought to surrender and service, like giving into porn or sexual images to get a quick high, all that happens because of this mind/emotional energy possession/movement within me as authority/power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away by saying “the devil made me do it”, this is an absolute abdication of self-responsibility and giving away of self-power and self-authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that thinking, recalling memories, worrying about the future are all examples of me giving away self-authority, and self-power, because my real self-authority is found here in this present moment being in my body, not dwelling in past or future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away self-authority by thinking and recalling my past, memories, both positive and negative moments, and in that go into sort of depression and sadness, thereby completely losing my self-authority and self-power.

When I am emotionally possessed, it is easy for outside agents to further exercise their power and authority over me, so I am at a double loss when I give up my self-power within myself.

Lastly, I realize how much power and authority money has over me, in whose almighty name, I could do nearly anything, in this I forgive myself for giving away my self-authority and self-power to money, in this I realize the principle of self-interest is not self-powerful nor self-authoritative, what is best for all is the real power principle.

When and as I see myself faced with issues of power and authority, I take a moment to breathe, and reflect on the given situation, to see for myself, am I abdicating my self-authority, am I abdicating my self-responsibility, am I abdicating my self-power? In asking those questions, I can see for myself which direction to take, in a way that is best for all.