Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: The understanding that comes from realising that suffering in our recovery comes from the distorted meaning we have given it is unlimited.
Author: Fraser Trevor
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THE RECOVERING SOCIETY The understanding that comes from realising that suffering in our recovery comes from the distorted meaning we hav...
THE RECOVERING SOCIETY
The understanding that comes from realising that suffering in our recovery comes from the distorted meaning we have given it is unlimited. I am not saying that painful things in your past didn't happen, but what I am saying is that they no longer have to be painful. And it's not as easy as changing your mind once or twice. It takes work. But if you try and try enough over time, new recovery and new understanding can emerge. One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take myself out of my own story and step into the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the person who hurt me. Not so I can make what they did right, but so I can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.

As we have been guided by the higher power through this process, the outcomes have been amazing. WE have found forgiveness on a whole new level of themselves and others. And, yes, even around VERY traumatic events. The point of forgiveness is not to make what happened right, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved – this includes you. The best way to get back at people who have hurt us is to forgive them, because that is how we break the bond to the painful event. And from there, when we step into their shoes and consider how they must have been thinking and feeling, we begin to understand that their actions were not truly against us, but simply a request for understanding or Significance in a very messed up way; that was the best way that they knew how to at that time. And from a RECOVERY perspective, we can claim ownership over the meaning we give that event and no longer make it about how it hurt us, but about how they were hurt and see how our job is now to step into more understanding and compassion and empathy, both for them and for us. This takes us deeper and helps to bring clarity, resolution and forgiveness.

The words I am writing in this post are easy to say and hard to do. It's not as easy as reading The Recovering Society and being done with it. But my hope is that this post can be a starting point for you on the journey of forgiveness, of empathy and of compassion, so that one day soon you will be set free of the chains that bind you to the past. When we see things from the point of view of others, we realise that what they are doing as not against us, but as an action to make up for the understanding they didn't get. It's that simple. And in this realisation, we can transcend the hurt and the pain because we understand it was never about us in the first place, and so the victim story can be replaced with the story of the member who overcame the darkness in another with understanding.
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