THE SALTBURN RECOVERY COMMUNITY
Acceptance today is the answer to all my problems, much of our day to day unhappiness is the result of thinking about and trying to change things that we have no power to change. If we could accept only what we cannot change, that in itself would bring with it a considerable level of contentment. Acceptance is usually thought of as being passive, of letting events roll over us. And certainly that is one version of acceptance. But what if instead of using our powers to change what is impossible to change, we began to focus on changing ourselves from the inside? If there was a way for man to live on this planet and realise his highest possibility without suffering, we would have found it by now. But apparently there is no such path. Besides, do you really think that your path to finding yourself and fulfilling your potential can be devoid of suffering when every great spiritual leader that we know about in history has had to suffer?
In the end we have to accept that a certain amount of suffering is necessary to get what we want. By accepting that suffering is necessary—that it is part of the human condition—you make it voluntary. This does not mean that you go out and find or create suffering, but when it comes to you, when it is part of your fate, then you must welcome it as best you can. Begin small. Find one or two small irritations that afflict you every day and accept them as a reminder to being present. If you are stuck in traffic, forget about your impatience and concentrate on being present and listening to music or observing yourself in that moment. If you want to be with someone and they can’t or don’t want to be with you, accept it. Move on. Be present to what is front of you now. You cannot come to big things if you ignore small things.
Your aim is to create a tendency to be present, and you cannot do that if you only want to be present to the things that you think are important. If you transform the smaller irritations, when the bigger problems come you will be more prepared. Did you lose your job? Did your car break down? Very well, these things happen. Don’t obsess about them. Make whatever decisions you need to make and move on. Concentrate on what you can do, not on what is impossible. Keep coming back to the present. Being present has a wonderful way of simplifying your life. Ask yourself: ‘What can I do about this now?’ Maybe there is nothing you can do. Sometimes you just have to wait. Possibilities come in their own time. Don’t be anxious about what you cannot fix right now. Look around. There is always something you can do. Don’t sit on your hands and worry about the future; that doesn’t fix anything. Clean you house or take a walk. Clear you mind. You’re looking for inspiration about how to proceed, and you won’t be inspired if you just sit around and worry. Each moment only has certain possibilities, and if you miss acting on those possibilities, you miss changing your future.
All change occurs in the present, so as much as you can, live your life in the moment and act from there. It also needs to be said that a part of acceptance is learning to accept yourself. For some people in recovery this is a big struggle. They don’t like themselves; they can’t accept their flaws, the way they look, or the roles that they play. And they bring their dissatisfaction with themselves into their work toward recovery. Dissatisfaction can be a good thing. If you are disappointed with yourself, you can be motivated to change. But dissatisfaction becomes a problem if you become obsessed with changing what cannot be changed. we simply have to accept who we are and be present to that.
It is a great trap to become so preoccupied with yourself—your flaws, talents, regrets, hopes and fears—that you miss out on doing some good in the world. It’s very liberating to forget about yourself for a while, to look around and see that your problems are no different than the problems of others. To accept yourself, as you are, and the whole of your fate is very big step on the path to recovery. If you can accept yourself, really accept yourself, you can jump to a new level where what you thought was impossible is suddenly and miraculously a reality.
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