We have an inner thermostat that determines the amount of love and success we allow ourselves.

When we exceed our setting, we tend to sabotage ourselves so that we can return to the old, familiar zone where we feel secure. The thermostat was set before you could think for yourself, usually in early childhood. “The question "Who am I?" really asks, "Where do I belong or fit?" We get the sense of that "direction" -- the sense of moving toward the place where we fit, or of shaping the place toward which we are moving so that it will fit us -- from hearing how others have handled or are attempting to handle similar (but never exactly the same) situations. We learn by listening to their stories, by hearing how they came (or failed) to belong or fit.”