Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: Old problems are much more comfortable than new solutions. But always keep in mind, that life begins on the edge of your comfort zone.
Author: Fraser Trevor
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Most people do not heal their codependency on their own. Let us face it, with all these symptoms flaring up, especially the denial, who c...

Most people do not heal their codependency on their own. Let us face it, with all these symptoms flaring up, especially the denial, who could possibly see a way out?

Most codependents are slapped upside the head by a friend: "Hey, you need help!"

We do need help. We need the experience of others who have broken the cycles. We need a good therapist to help us see the light. We need friends who are open and honest with us. We need to sit and read a bit about ourselves, our problems, and the way out. Most of all, we need to know that we can be healed. This is NOT a permanent situation. But each person has to recognize the problem, admit to it, and then find the tools to help end it.

The first and most important thing for a codependent to learn is that Happiness is inside of us, not something outside. A good relationship is good, not because of the person we love, but because of the person we are. One person does not a relationship make.

Healing codependency is often referred to as "shifting our relationship with ourselves." Codependents must learn to accept their powerlessness over people and events. Recovery for a codependent is like recovery from alcohol or drug addiction and the same 12-step model is oftentimes employed: Let Go. Let God.

The codependent must sometimes "fire" the people in their lives. If they are not willing to work through their issues, then we have to "fire" them and move on ourselves. But we must keep in mind that this is about us, not them. Recovery means learning to take responsibility for our own actions, issues, feelings, behaviors, and our lives.

Recovery is not easy. Letting go of the need to control people, places, events is not easy.

But finally know this: Your author has been through his own bouts with codependency. Hardly any of us are untouched by this. Healing is not only possible, it is wonderfully exhilarating. Once we step out of our destructive patterns, anything is possible. In a letter to a friend once, I wrote the following that I want to share with you.

Old problems are much more comfortable than new solutions. But always keep in mind, that life begins on the edge of your comfort zone.

Trust and listen to your intuition. If you listen to your mind, you will hear only the same old crap it’s been spewing for years. Unless you heal your past, your life, and recover from the abuse (self-inflicted and other-inflicted) your mind will not be your friend. Listen to your heart. Go with the flow.

According to A Course in Miracles, we come from either a place of fear or a place of love. From a place of love, we can do no wrong. From a place of fear, every action is a mistake. Fill your heart with love and you will surpass even your highest expectations.







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