Bill used to talk about a thing called “deflation at depth” and this is exactly what he meant by that: there isn’t a God d*mned thing you can do to keep yourself sober.
It’s a terrible blow to the ego.
But if we can take that blow fully, if we can let it knock our egos to the mat, even for a short count, it opens up the very real possibility of contact with supernatural power.
Short of total defeat, there is no possibility of contact. Reason being that if we aren’t defeated, then we’re still trying to make a go of it on our own.
Anything, absolutely anything, we do to keep ourselves sober immediately closes that window of opportunity. Even going to meetings. Even working the steps. Even helping other alcoholics. Even prayer.
The ego is a subtle foe and it will use anything it can get its hands on, even the best parts of our program, to haul itself back up into the saddle.
The only appropriate response to temptation is to stop everything and just take a minute to be doomed.
Let it sink in. Let it wash over you. And for God’s sake, don’t fight it.
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