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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: Within the narcissist’s aura.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
Within the narcissist’s aura. Now you’re tense and drained from unpredictable tantrums, attacks, and unjustified indignation at imagina...

Within the narcissist’s aura. Now you’re tense and drained from unpredictable tantrums, attacks, and unjustified indignation at imaginary slights. You begin to doubt yourself, worry what he or she will think, and become as preoccupied with the narcissist as he or she is with him or herself.

After a while, you start to lose self-confidence. Your self-esteem may have been intact when you met, but your partner finds you coming up short and doesn’t fail to point it out. Most narcissists are perfectionists. Nothing you or others do is right or appreciated. Talking about your disappointment or hurt gets turned into your fault or another opportunity to put you down. They can dish it, but not take it, being highly sensitive to any perceived judgment.

Narcissists have no boundaries. They see you as an extension of themselves, requiring you to be on call to meet their needs regardless of your own. You might get caught up in trying to please them. This is like trying to fill a bottomless pit. Their needs, whether for admiration, service, love, or purchases, are endless. You might go out of your way to fill their request only to have your efforts devalued because you didn’t read their mind. They expect you to know without having to ask. You end up in a double-bind – damned if you displease them and damned when you do.

Narcissists don’t like to hear “No.” Boundary-setting threatens them. They’ll manipulate to get their way and make sure you feel guilty if you’re bold enough to risk turning them down. You become afraid that if you don’t please them, you risk an onslaught of blame and punishment, withheld love, and a ruptured relationship. This is all too possible, because the narcissist’s relationship is with him- or herself. You just have to fit in. Nevertheless, you stay in the relationship, because periodically the charm, excitement, and loving gestures that first enchanted you return.

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