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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: Relationship Narcissists look at the world through a lens that has him or herself at center.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
 Their needs and wants tend to supersede those of others. Others are typically there in the service of their needs. Niceness and charm t...
English: Picture of myself, I am a narcissist....
 Their needs and wants tend to supersede those of others. Others are typically there in the service of their needs.
Niceness and charm to the narcissist are but tools to disarm the other towards the service of meeting one’s needs.
As the niceness and charm flatter the other by way of positive attention, the other feels attracted and beholding to the narcissist. As the superficiality of the niceness and charm fade against the ongoing subordination of the others needs, that sense of feeling attracted and beholding is supplanted with consternation.
Consternation is the outcome of feeling taken advantage of in lop-sided relationships.
Consternation is the outcome of feeling manipulated by being lulled into a sense that the other cares when their positive attention is really a guise for meeting self-serving interests. Consternation is that mix of emotions that includes anger, bewilderment, confusion and dismay. Consternation stifles the will of the person to continue to meet the needs of the narcissist which then drives anger singularly from the narcissist, the result of feeling thwarted when seeking self-interested gratification.
Upon the narcissists needs not being met, particularly in view of a relationship where from the outset his or her needs were met fully on the basis of niceness and charm, the narcissist then projects blame upon the other, proclaiming their change of heart as the root of the now burgeoning relationship turmoil. This would be typical of the narcissist who is otherwise pleased with him/herself, views others as being there in the service of their needs and who cannot cast negatively upon him/herself to see him/herself as selfish and self-serving. As such, the credo of the narcissist would be, “If not for how you have changed, all would be well (for me).” This with nary an appreciation of his/her role in the dynamic. It is all about projecting blame because the narcissist is never wrong.
Of course this is crazy making for the partner of the narcissist who now may be dependent upon the positive reflection previously received through the niceness and charm of the narcissist. If that other person has an already fragile self-esteem, the positive attention of the narcissist may have felt like the elixir of life. Now the narcissist, having developed a dependency of the other for that elixir uses the withdrawal of positive attention as a weapon in the furtherance of his/her self-interest and personal gratification over the needs to the other.
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