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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: Surround yourself with like-minded people as you journey to sobriety.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
 You ARE who you hang out with.  You can look at them and see a mirror of yourself.  If you are in the habit of hanging out with people w...
 You ARE who you hang out with.  You can look at them and see a mirror of yourself.  If you are in the habit of hanging out with people who like to party…if these are your friends…you need to begin the shift of making new friends.
This is very painful as you say goodbye to your old life.  You might even find yourself distancing from family.  Sit through this process consciously and know that in time, you can enjoy short sweet visits with these people who are currently not your best influence.
As I moved towards sobriety, my relationships changed dramatically.  I ended and engagement to a man I deeply loved who would not quit drinking and who would not allow me to quick drinking.  I know you are probably thinking that another person can’t make your drink, but they can.  I suffer from co-dependency and the people pleaser inside of me couldn’t bear to make him uncomfortable with himself by not drinking.  My self-sabatoging ego would decide that I would show him what it was like to be a drunk and off I’d go.  It’s an irrational thought process of “I’ll show you, I’ll get me.”  Alcohol was also how we intimately connected.  We’d have a few glasses of wine and then we could let our guards down and actually have meaningful conversation.  Of course, how meaningful could it really have been?
I’ve had to distance myself from my family.  It seems everyone gets together and drinks wine.  When I tell them that I don’t want to drink, I sense that it makes them feel bad about themselves.  When I tell them that I think I have a drinking “problem” and I really don’t want to drink, they tell me that they don’t think I do and that everything is fine.  It seems I can’t quite get them to understand, so I avoid them.  Short sweet visits that are quite honestly, tense.
I’ve eliminated friendships entirely.  All those girlfriends that I would meet for lunch or dinner and Chardonnay.  I miss them.  I miss having a bunch of girlfriends to shop and dine with, but now I have more meaningful relationships with women.  The ones who do drink don’t care that I don’t.  I have lots of friends now who are trying to stop drinking, consuming food, eating sugar, and thinking negatively.  We are all in this together now working on the greater good of self-care.  The relationships are more honest and sweet.  They see who I am in my entirety and I am okay with them.  There is only the shame that I feel towards self, but never shame that I feel is coming outside in.  When I screw up, they understand and simply encourage me to get back to work.
Your friends and relationships will shift.  Just know that it is painful.  You may feel lonely.  And then magic happens and you make new friends that are better mirrors.
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