The solution was both simple and effective it consisted of a vitamin supplement an over the counter solution. I have had a similar belief system as Bill Wilson being the founder of a twelve step fellowship, but after thirty years of continuos recovery found that due to diabetes, severe arthritis, high blood pressure and slept disorder coupled with a weight problem had become a recipient of the current pill culture. Some of the pills worked fine, some not with a range of debilitating side effects from minor to severe. I had retreated into a world of heavy and prolonged meditation, coupled with long sleeps. On awakening in the morning I felt tired. I felt that I was in the antechamber to death, but I still attended twelve step meeting, getting little from them. I felt worse after attending thinking they had little relevance to me. I had tried a geographical to Spain and during the course of that had redone the steps and become remotivated but my cognitive skills had become diminished to the point that my short term memory had become badly damaged. I had become more than aware of these cognitive degenerations with memory, emotions and depression. I was at the time so badly disordered that I could not recognise the depression. One manifestation was I could not listen to music, remember numbers and words eluded me.
I found new contacts started new twelve step programs and attempted to help others, but my deterioration had become more pronounced so that I could see it.I believed that I was heading towards the end of my life and all the signs were that it was not going to be good. At this point I saw the documentary on Bill Wilson called Bill W it fascinated me I watched it over and over again. I felt that there was a message for me within the film. I could identify with large parts and an idea started. I had acknowledged right from the first day the twelve steps as a solution to my alcohol problems and had taken onboard the idea of being remade and reborn, but did not understand at what level that had to take place. If I believed in the Bill Wilson message of his early years why did I discount his message of his later years. Why was the early work more important than the later work. I decided to experiment, I discounted the ouija board, I toyed with the idea of LSD but discounted that on the basis that my spiritual beliefs worked and had got me to this place and I didn't want another mind altering substance. I settled on the nutritional aspects of Bill Wilson's message . Bill Wilson promoted the concept of vitamin therapy . Bill had been introduced to the concept of vitamin B3 therapy after taking them for a few weeks Bills fatigue and depression disappeared. I decide to experiment, I had been told that this could have a negative impact on my health.My argument was simplistic I had trusted the twelve steps for thirty years and had seen changes within my life such that I had never needed to picked up alcohol again. Why would I not trust this nutritional solution for a few weeks. I resolved to buy and research B3 from the internet. I purchased different strengths and types at different prices and doses. I settled for 100mg twice a day. One pill in the morning, one pill at night. For a short time I developed a fuzzy head not a headache just a fuzziness that wore off. I think the first sign that something had changed was an enjoyment of music. I digress I had stopped all other forms of pain relief and was told I would feel strong withdrawals I felt none after taking the B3. I have severe arthritis in my knees and hips the pain became liveable with and for the first time for years I went for a walk. Was it painless, no it was not but I completed it, on a bitterly cold north eastern beach. My sense of humour started to return. All this started within the first two weeks. I am a retired social psychologist so I knew about the placebo effect I have over the last thirty years made many close friends in the fellowships I decided to ask them if they wished to join me to test what I perceived about myself and if it was the truth or an aberration .My short term memory returned and my long term memory started to reappeared vividly. I also became interested and disturbed within the third week by vivid dreams and some nightmares that fascinated me in there depth and content.
I have began to study the science behind B3 therapy and have started to make some observations and to ask basic questions of how alcohol changed me as a person and how that changed person operated in the world after stopping alcohol. The idea that when I stopped using alcohol that I would return to a pre-addiction state became an anathema to me. I started to understand that the prolonged use of alcohol had made changes to my conscious self. In effect the self had become destroyed in the blitz of inebriation.The continuos usage had caused deep seated change within the brain and it was there that the disease aspect resided.
The brain it appears sees all stimulation be it alcohol, drugs, sex, and even stress in broadly the same way and adapts a response to these stimulations. These stimulations could become automatic due to high levels of stimuli constant and repetitive use of large quantities of alcohol. In effect they didn't need the stimulus of alcohol but would search out other methods to attempt to reinvent the satisfaction they had once felt from alcohol. Whilst it is sometime since I completed my last Science degree I acknowledge that belief is one thing, proof an entirely different matter. Bill Wilson sought to address these issues within the yellow papers and he started to collect data on what he was doing. This it appears was discounted .I have started to believe that the problem of addiction may lie in the chemical makeup of the brain and its ability to regulate and uptake serotonin in recovering addicts. The failure of this can lead to relapse but is more likely to lead to varying degrees of depression. It appears that alcohol destroys the essential precursor amino acids without the amino acids alcoholics become emotionally muddled and depressed.The stability of this system may take time and nutritional input to stabilise.
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