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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: The seeds of the stages: Painful Meditation as a new concept ?
Author: Fraser Trevor
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Understanding or rather not understanding meditation was for me a problem of unfathomable depths. It worried me, bothered me and trou...

Understanding or rather not understanding meditation was for me a problem of unfathomable depths. It worried me, bothered me and troubled me. So I surrendered to it in the terms of I couldn't do it and left it at that. I believed in something but couldn't make contact. I accepted that fact it wasn't for me.

That simple fact changed everything once I gave up and surrendered it allowed other ideas in . The idea that I could not do something under my own power came in.

Once I had surrendered to that simple fact I became teachable.Then like a small seed the first idea sprang. I attempted to reject it, but it took hold bothering me with its insistence.

In my minds eye I was on an old track that was difficult to walk down I could visualise it in my minds eye it was hot and dusty and I was on my knees it was painful the track was strewn with sharp flints but I made progress towards a group of legs moving slowly around in the dust ahead of me. I struggled and perceived that there was one set of legs in a white raiment moving in the crowd. Somehow I knew that if I touched the hem or rather didn't touch the hem of the garment I could manifest my sense of gratitude. Whilst the journey was painful and difficult I realised that I needed to progress forward. I avoided the cluster of feet concentrated on not touching but being in close proximity to the white robe this gave me a feeling over time that my consciousness awareness was expanding. Sometimes it worked some times it didn't. There was something I was doing wrong.I asked the question what was wrong.

The solution came to me in the middle of a television program on perception.It was to do with the unformed concept of self.I understood that the concept of self was not formed till about two years of age. Up to two years you could not recognise yourself as an individual. I attempted to recreate that feeling of selflessness, to reject the concept of the self, It worked I appeared on the road in a selfless state if I took the time needed to attain that state.

My sense of gratitude became a sense of communication and I became a flat white light and the road became easier I was no longer on my knees and the power within the crowd became benevolent towards me welcoming me .

Suddenly a new frightening dimension was introduced into my meditation, meditation could be painful or perhaps meditation should be pain filled, at first this was a disturbing but pleasant realisation. I was on the river bank of a great river that was moving it was dark deep and reasonably fast flowing. I lay relaxed watching the eddies on the river, one day I felt within my mind an the urge to throw myself into the river.I did so and quickly sank panicked struggled and accepted the fact that I was under the water. The mere acceptance of the fact that I was under water caused a change in consciousness.

The river disappeared and started to flow into my body threw my feet. I was safe and the pleasant sensation of bubbling fast flowing water hit my ankles and started to flow eddy and force itself threw my arthritic joints ending bubbling threw the veins in my neck into my head refreshing,cleaning reinvigorating me.It was as if the river was some form of cleansing spirit. I felt as though I had contacted something and it had responded.

The cleansing healing spirit I was introduced to, has caused my recovery to accelerate the communication has brought new concepts and ideas into my life and been instrumental in fundamental change both in my mental and spiritual self.

I realised I had not been practising meditation but relaxation techniques previously. The historical background from the meditations of the desert fathers onwards had been that meditation was a pain filled journey that challenged mans conception of wellness. Wellness meditation was about perceiving a relaxed state but all the evidence pointed to pain as the gateway to a clearer understanding of oneself in meditation. Meditation of pain perhaps is the only true meditation accepting a pain filled life and within the acceptance is serenity and peace through knowledge.

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