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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: RECOVERY OUTLAW: Lurking in the befuddled crazy mind one last excuse I had never used one dark thought, one excuse not used.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
The sight of my long suffering wife and the pain that showed her face.The shame and guilt I felt drove me into paroxysm of thoughts a com...

The sight of my long suffering wife and the pain that showed her face.The shame and guilt I felt drove me into paroxysm of thoughts a committee sat down and debated all the excuses and denials.Who could I  blame people, what new rationalisation could I concoct. I had used every excuse believable or unbelievable to get me of the hook of drunkenness  Nothing was left, and yet there was a glimmer deep down in the recesses of my mind a maggot of an idea squirming perhaps one last excuse .Lurking in the befuddled crazy mind one last excuse I had never used one dark thought, one excuse not used.Now was the time  yet there was another voice that told me not to use this one.The committee that lived in my seething brain sat down once more to debate the alcoholics severely limited choices.

 I don’t really know but in the befuddled state I was in I thought more people had arrived. I had fears that I had acted inappropriately with them previously perhaps they were my wife's parents.I needed that one excuse for it to work I needed a commercial telephone book. I flicked threw the pages my confused brain addled at the inappropriate usage it needed sleep, another drink or a strangers bed.Yes there it said it something to do with alcoholics, a safe haven anywhere all I needed was another drink anything. When would someone answer it rang and rang. The phone was answered by a lady I explained cryptically that I might have a drinking problem.No , she explained you’ve rung ALANON you need AA please ring this number. In my minds eye I can see the sceptical looks from the group of people that surrounded my phone or perhaps they were never there mere shadows of my deluded mind. My withdrawals often gave me illusions usually of shadows but who knows.To me they were real.I needed to get away escape lick my wounds like the wounded beast I felt myself to be.I rang the new number it was answered and the person on the other end had a rich deep calming voice.Do you want to stop.I looked at my real or imagined audience.Yes I said.Right I will be with you shortly.What did he mean with me shortly.Ah well I thought someone else to hide behind that was an advantage the chance for another drink..My mind was completely warped around the obsession to drink it filled every waking minute. I felt I would die or go insane without it it consumed every waking moment promising me, promising me.Old times sick sentimentality and dependency on the promise of another BRANDY and flight from reality.

RECOVERY OUTLAW
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