Doing so means drilling down below the level of abstract notions of truth and rightness. Parties must own their particularity. What must be made manifest are the unique thoughts and feelings generated by the current situation. Into the room come anger, hurt, shame, surprise, misunderstanding, recognition, confusion and relief – the full panoply of our faults and gifts. Extending an invitation to our differences, what shows up is our shared humanity. And this is the only real common ground. As mediators we know something of this roundabout route. We know that parties need to move away from the apparent simplicity of right/wrong into the far messier terrain of perhaps and maybe. Strangely enough, this is a journey best undertaken by unpacking – exposing their assumptions and preconceptions, making public their private worlds. In the process, they become more visible – both to themselves and to the other party.
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