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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: a three-step process for effectively turning around negative people:
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
1. Understand how they feel and validate it.  This might be hard because it could feel like you’re reinforcing their negative feelings. But ...


1. Understand how they feel and validate it. 
This might be hard because it could feel like you’re reinforcing their negative feelings. But you’re not. You’re not agreeing with them or justifying their negativity. You’re simply showing them that you understand how they feel.

2. Find a place to agree with them. You don’t have to agree with everything they’ve said, but, if you can, agree with some of what they’re feeling. If you share some of their frustrations, let them know which.

During steps 1 and 2 you are responding negatively with others not against them. This relaxes and opens them. It helps them feel that they are not alone and you are not out of touch.

 It’s not enough to simply say "I understand how you feel." For this to work, you need to be specific.

3. Find out what they are positive about and reinforce it. This doesn’t mean trying to convince them to be positive. It means giving attention to whatever positive feelings they do show — and chances are they will have shown some because it’s unusual to find people who are purely negative. If they are purely negative, then make sure they see you supporting others who have shown positivity. The idea is to give positive attention to positive feeling. And to offer concrete hope. It’s concrete because it’s based on actual positive feelings people already have, rather than harping on positive feelings you think they should have.

During step 3 you are responding positively with others, not against them. You are showing them that you support them. And you are showing them that they will be rewarded — with your support and attention — when they do and say things that are positive. During step 3 you are transforming the downward spiral into an upward one.

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