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Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: A healthy functional intimate relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control.
Author: Fraser Trevor
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Think about how you treat (and want to be treated by) someone you care about. Compare the characteristics of a healthy functional romantic  ...

Think about how you treat (and want to be treated by) someone you care about. Compare the characteristics of a healthy functional romantic 

relationship with those of an unhealthy dysfunctional romantic relationship.  

Honesty & Accountability: 

Accepting responsibility for self, acknowledging past use of violence, admitting when you are wrong, 

communicating openly and honestly, keeping your word, not making excuses for your partner’s or for your 

own actions. Relationship is built on truth rather than game playing. 

Open Communication: 

Being able to express your feelings or opinions, knowing it is okay to disagree, saying what you mean and 

meaning what you say. Communication is based on clarifying issues, specifying feelings, and working 

together for mutually satisfying solutions.  If one partner does something that hurts the other in any way they 

take responsibility, and make needed changes in their demonstration of love for the other partner. 

Negotiation  &  Fairness: 

Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, being willing to find solutions that are agreeable to both 

people.  Acknowledging your wants & needs are just as valid as your partner’s (you don’t have to agree in 

order to respect your partner and to understand differences in opinion). When differences come up, try to 

see the situation from your partner’s point of view and try to work through them together (agreeing to

disagree sometimes, willing to compromise).  No issue or problem is more important than the relationship – 

“winning the argument” is seen as harming the relationship.  

Economic Partnership: 

Making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements, sharing 

dating expenses, accepting both partners need to hold a job. 

Shared Responsibility: 

Making decisions together, splitting or alternating costs on dates.  Being mindful of the other person’s needs 

as well as your own - doing things for each other, going places you both enjoy, giving as much as you receive.  

Shared  Power: 

In general, each person has an equal say in the relationship, although at time, one person may have greater 

say because of more information or experience in an area.  Each is mindful of the other’s needs and wants 

(as well as your own).  The individuals view themselves as part of a couple that brings each person more 

happiness & allows each to be stronger. 

Respect:  Each person is valued for who they are and what they bring to the relationship.  Treat the other person as if 

he/she is of value.   Find ways to appreciate them for who they are. Differences in thoughts, feelings, 

values, etc. are accepted and respected.  Accept your partner for who they are.  Do not demand that the 

other person change to meet all your expectations.  Paying attention to your partner, valuing your partner’s 

opinion even if it differs from yours, listening to what your partner has to say, listening to her nonjudgmentally.

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